Do you sometimes feel like the “backup parent” while your partner gets all the hugs? It’s a common experience, and there are real reasons why children may prefer one parent over the other. Now, the title of this article is meant to be a little tongue-in-cheek—but the message is serious: how can you become a better parent and build a stronger connection with your child? In this short article, I’ll share some simple tips to help you strengthen your bond and (hopefully) make your parenting journey a little easier.
What causes parent preferences in children
Now we are going to exclude the reasons a child may prefer a parent based on scenario, such as seeking comfort from one parent during emotional moments or gravitating toward the parent who handles daily routines like baths or bedtime. These preferences are often shaped by attachment theory, personality alignment, and familiarity, and are considered normal and temporary aspects of child development. According to FocusOnYourChild.com, children may prefer one parent due to attachment patterns, personality alignment, or routine familiarity. These preferences are common and typically temporary.
Understanding these preferences can help parents respond with empathy rather than insecurity. It’s important to remember that a child’s preference is not a rejection of the other parent, but a reflection of their emotional needs at a given time. By recognizing these patterns, both parents can work together to support the child’s development and maintain a balanced family dynamic.
With that foundation in mind, let’s explore some practical ways to strengthen your parenting approach and navigate these moments more effectively.
Helpful Tips To Build A Better Parent Child Bond
- Be Attentive Have you ever seen your child excitedly running toward you at full speed to show off an awesome stick figure they just drew? Stop what you’re doing when they come to you. Look at them directly so they know you’re paying attention to their needs. This helps them understand you’re reliable and that you care. They’ll notice you’re giving them your full attention. Try to get down to their eye level when speaking with them. Now you might ask, “But I’m cooking a feast, on the phone with my parents, and balancing on a tricycle.” Keep it together. If you can’t stop what you’re doing, let them know. Give them a moment of attention and tell them you’ll look at it very soon—but still show appreciation. If they keep coming back to you relentlessly and you’re busy, let them know you’re occupied and explain that you’ll sit with them soon to go over everything they want.
- Be Fun Get off that tricycle. You don’t need to learn to juggle or start doing flips—just be silly. Get to their level. Children are easily entertained; all you need is imagination. The other day, I started using syrup dispensers as dolls and had an epic battle between the syrups and pancakes. You don’t need much—just creativity and effort. Turn on that imagination you stopped using when you turned eight. And when you do play with them, don’t be distracted. Put your phone away. Stop trying to have a conversation with your partner in the middle of storytelling. They notice these things, and you’ll lose them—and they’ll lose interest in whatever you’re trying to get them to take part in.
- Be Emotionally Stable (As Much As You Can) Look, I get it—children can be the most magical part of your life, but sometimes they act like spawns of demons and make you question whether your house is a portal to another dimension. Children make mistakes, and they don’t have full control over their emotions. But you’re the adult, and you’re better equipped to deal with the situation. Getting upset at the child or cursing up a storm of F-bombs won’t make the situation better—in fact, it may make things worse. Be stable. Be the rock they’re looking for.
Conclusion
Children’s preferences between parents can shift from day to day, but this doesn’t reflect a lack of love for either parent. The beauty of these parenting strategies is that they become second nature with consistent practice. Over time, they’ll require less effort and mental energy, allowing you to respond more naturally. While it may feel challenging at first, these habits are a meaningful investment in your family’s well-being—especially in shaping your child’s relationship with their parents—and will ultimately make your parenting journey smoother and more rewarding.